or something.

i think so at least.

theres words for it.

apathy. anhedonia. futility.

pointlessness. hopelessness. despondency.

i dont know.

im just a kid.

i had the thought that theres probably

some anger under all of this.

somewhere.

im not feeling particularly smart

or insightful

or like its worth doing a bunch of digging

and getting into the nitty gritty

like it isnt all just fake anyway.

like im not just running from something,

only god knows what it is.

im pretty alone.

i dont think theres a point in trying not to be.

it doesnt work.

i cant express myself.

and if i could, nobody would want to hear

me anyway. i mean, thats a little too

on-the-nose and emotional and it makes

me sound too petulant and kind of

pouty and sniveling. nobody has the energy

to deal with me. thats better. cause theyll just

try to convince me that it isnt pointless or try

to get me to smile or laugh. and most of the time

that means theyll fail and get frustrated or tired

with the task and give up on me. or if they do get

me to smile or laugh ill feel like i betrayed myself

and sold out on what i believe for a quick hit of

connection.





its my turn now.

you cant have it.

this shit is pointless, and

it feels bad just to live.

it feels bad just to think about other

people.

(im afraid ive run out of self-energy,

or forgotten how to do it. im afraid

my parts dont respect me, or that ill

respond to them improperly. im afraid ill

be hurtful)





the place that contains the list of the containers of words