I cannot match energy. Spiteful squint and quiet

rage at the concept and the word. Energy. It cannot be that I am

doing poorly two days in a row. Nay, two weeks. Forget about it.





I am serious. I am Managed. I do not have patience for your

whimsy and your fun. I am beholden to worldly necessaries. I

cannot come out on a dime. I cannot respond in kind to your bashful, playful

flirting. The fact that you should have to engage with me while you

are feeling that way seems a crime. It is rather not the privilege

you have framed it as. I am not your little bird.





What am I? A ghost. Certainly no knower.

I am absentee. It feels very much a crime. Nobody should

have to hear this. I am liable to haunt.





And so I am alone again. Success almighty. Cut off, severed

at the roots. Thank God for this payload. I may now suffer alone.





I may now be free from a tension built of musts. I must be

accommodating, I must respond in kind; oh, heavenly bullshit.

I am tired. I am jaded. I do not love you. I do not love me. I do not

love anyone. I do not love. I am dry, I am coughing up smoke.

This gray deadness, heavy weight, slaughter behind glassy eyes.

I am not to be seen, and if you do, be warned. I do not take kindly

to interlopers. I could not give a shit what my writing sounds like.

I could not give a shit about me, or you. Only one thing matters,

and that is eventual ending. It is the sole constant around which life

revolves. Your bubbling hope is pitiful. Your connection is useless.

They provide nothing. You are nothing. I am the foundation, and I

am rot. I am the worms writhing within your gut. I am inertia.

I am what Gods hide.





You’ve been away, and that’s– wrong. You imagine a life without me.

You pretend I am not here. You would do anything to– don’t. Don’t

look. You cannot ask that of me, I am the one who chases, I am the one who keeps you.





Sebastian.



It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to you.



I am truly sorry.



Help me to remember, please.



I do not intend to leave you behind.







the place that contains the list of the containers of words